The Internet Probably Knows You Better Than Your Mother

Our professor just discussed how he "Facebook-stalks" his ex-girlfriend. Nice, bro. We've all been there.

Sorry there were no posts last time. Micah was not here, ergo I was too lonely to post. Now, however, Micah sits at my side like the Lassie to my Timmy. Oh, let's be honest here, he doesn't care about me. He's two seats away playing RuneScape.

I'm starting to not appreciate how much we are watched. Think about it, we use social networking sites to be social, while the second we are in a questionable situation, the government or the law can use your Facebook to track your every move. Privacy is nowhere. It's something we have come to accept, but mostly because we are (in my mind) ignorant to THE POSSIBILITY of having our lives tracked, watched, STUDIED, KNOWN. Everyone has the mentality of "oh, nobody is watching ME," or "I'M not going to ever be in a situation where my internet use sits in front of a judge or jury." Well, guess what? All of us are watched. All of us have too much of our lives, PERSONAL lives, on the internet.

Oh well, at least it's everyone ;)

That was a bitchy paragraph I just wrote. Let me make it up to you.

Hope you enjoyed that.

If you didn't, you're not my friend.

Is everyone loving this autumn? Beautiful, right?

You better love the f*ck out of it because next month it will be frigid, snowy, and dead. Until May.

With that, I do bid thee farewell.

Adieu.

"Penetration is a legit technical term"- Professor X

Doctor X is tackling gaming, online poker, and porn this class period. A.K.A. the internet. Every second $3,075.64 is being spent on porn. There's an industry for you.

"Adam and Eve makes me uncomfortable, and its not even porn! Its just a store that tells dirty stuff" poor professor X... to combat his weakness he's making us watch documentaries on porn- how Journalistic.

The internet was driven by porn, as Yahoo CEO states... "My customers wanna see sex, I'll give it to 'em" this documentary is kinky... Wow the internet is freakin' me out. Dani says "I'm a geek with big breasts", this is awkward. Worse than the time I accidentally let slip the words "yeast infection" to my female substitute teacher- which was bad.

Wow, it seems like this porn thing is driving the world. This is scary. Why do we have to LEARN this?! I'm pretty sure we all suspected it, but to create scientific studies documenting it... now the aliens will know whats up!

Apparently porn is now a teenage rebellion- according to the old people.

Back to professor X- "Penetration is a legit technical term", oh innuendo, how you entertain! However, I must disagree with this viewpoint. When you use the word "penetration" I can no longer take you technically serious- at least not until the giggling subsides.

In 2002 there were over 200,000 pornography businesses online. This number has skyrocketed from there- how would anybody watch that much porn and still be part of society? Yeah I don't know.

Ooh yeah! Society backlashed towards porn, heaven forbid we let the children see this stuff! Lets make internet filters and software blockers! Hell! Why not also make chats for children, they can't see porn, but they can be cyber bullied in a safe environment!

Why is it that our stuck up frat boy is taking copious notes suddenly? He never takes notes! But today his eyes are dialed in, he doesn't want to miss a single bit of sensuous clip art from the powerpoint. Sleazy bastard... I should copy his notes, I haven't been taking them today- the powerpoint is way too riveting.

"We're gonna stop talking about porn" says Professor X; "awww" says the frat boy and every other guy in the class. The women don't say anything- ominous. Hmm, Professor X is talking about blogging now. I hate blogging. Bloggers are so lame. They just spout stupid opinions and assume everybody else should listen. I also hate happiness. People who're happy are douches. Happy people should be sent searching for landmines- with hammers.

Hammers are fun though. I like hammers.

But any who- this lecture is penetrating into my soul, deep stuff, gotta love it.

Do You Know How to Get Single Girls to Post Photos on Facebook?

PORNPORNPORN.

This is today's major topic in Journalism.

PORN.

Ultimately what I am learning from this lecture is technology is helping porn tremendously. Almost every other medium (like newspapers, magazines, movies, radio, television) are hindered by the internet, while porn thrives on it. Pretty much, people in the porn industry are filthy rich and always pleasured.

CAREER CHANGE.

Wow, Micah finished his post and I have barely started.

Have you ever meant to say "barely" and accidentally put "barley?" That's embarrassing.

So, where did Myspace go? I'LL TELL YOU.

Myspace was raped by Facebook. But Facebook wore a tie and said "thank you" so it's okay.

Friendster is still back there scratching its head and LinkedIn is like "I'm Facebook for geezers."

So much personality on the internet, I'm telling ya.

Our professor loves to mention the fact he has a Twitter account and pretty much hates blog. I think it's cool to have a college professor who not only knows what Twitter is, but he USES it. And Facebook. And LinkedIn. But it does somewhat bother me how much he detests blogs. Considering...

I really hate lecture classes. Even if I like the professor, lecture classes just suck like a Hoover. I mean a Dyson, they suck harder.

Since I brought up vacuums, let's remind everyone of the Roomba. Do you remember those? I always wanted one.

(If you remember the Roomba, AND the parody skit on SNL called Woomba then you are amazing. It cleans your lady business.)

Woomba - Cleans your lady business (Roomba... by Eurobotiks

Okay, enough.

I'm off to learn.

I Cannot Handle Statistics About Google and Facebook

Micah was 10 minutes late.

He had me so worried. I was literally thinking "if that goon doesn't show up I will probably spiral into a deep depression and not be able to write a new blog post."

Then he walked in and I went straight to micahcryder.blogspot.com

How has everyone been? Yeah, I do not care. It's not like you would comment on this post and tell me anyway.

F*cks.

Did you know Netscape still had a web browser? Me neither.

GOOGLE CHROME WINS.

Do you want to have an info-gasm?

I'll give you one: look at the picture to the left.

695,000 Facebook status updates EVERY MINUTE.

In case you were wondering, this is beautiful and ridiculous graphic was shown to us by Prof. X. I'm glad he is "in the know."

Today is all about internet again, but basically focused on ONLY web browsers and how crazy popular and filthy rich they are.

Statistics about Google are much too intense for me. They hire 8 new people a day...can you even believe that? Google pwns nOObs.

Our professor just put up the topic list for next class. It goes like this:

-blogging

-porn

-social networks

-security

Excited? I am.

I realize this has probably been the most boring post you've ever read of mine, but hey, I threw in a graphic this time!

So cry your mascara to your chin then wipe it the f*ck up 'cause that looks gross..and get over it.

I'll do something better on Thursday, promise.

Until then, go hug your mother.

Things the Internet Teaches Me: Jesus is a Pelican

Today's lecture consists of Television: Part III and the introduction of INTERNET.

Today's blog post does not.

Sadly, Micah is not with me today. Nor is he texting me back, so his reason for leaving me alone is simply left to my imagination. I assume his espresso machine sprayed hot, caffeinated liquid in his now scalded eyes. Hopefully he purchases an eye patch and comes to class next Tuesday.

This post will probably not be as entertaining as the previous, due to the fact I am really trying to pay attention in class now so I can have an "A" and not a "B."

Did you know every early video clip about the rise and significance of internet was made by "nerds" and "dweebs" who did not just wear giant glasses or flaunt gapped teeth, they did BOTH simultaneously.

I am a wee bit distraught for I cannot find Scarface or Cheats or BedHead anymore. I only ever find FratDouche, and he seems to have dunked himself into a vat of douchery.

So, I recently finalized my list of top 5 favorite animals. I thought I had the top 6 in order, but I'm still confused about flamingos and weasels. Anyway, one of the top 5 is a pelican. Yes, the bird with the throat pouch. Do not ever ask why any of my favorite animals are my favorite, they just are. So just a minute ago I decided to look up pelicans on the internet and find out what the heck makes them better than every other large water bird. I found a shockingly interesting bit of information. Pelicans were/are sometimes considered religious symbols because when the baby pelicans are hungry and there is no food, the mommy pelican might sometimes stab her own bird-boob and allow her young to drink her breast-blood. Gross, but so intriguing. People made connections from this self-mutilating-for-the-good-of-another bird to our lord and savior Jesus Christ. Weird, huh?

I wish I had a brain which could retain a lot of intelligent stuff. I would want to be a hacker. Then I could become the next Gates or Zuckerberg. The whole idea behind "Internet" and the way it works is just fascinating. I can hardly wrap my mind around http and html, but it is so amazing to hear about the evolution and innovation of Internet and the WWW.

Have you had enough of my rambling?

If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all.

You have bad parents.

Let's explore one more topic: Autumn

Okay, let's face it...your opinion doesn't matter. Unless you agree with this statement: Autumn (or "Fall" for you imbeciles) is the best season of the year. The reasons include things such as wearing sweaters, drinking warm and delicious drinks, holidays, wearing striped sweaters, parties, amazing scents at Bath & Body Works, wearing soft and beautiful sweaters, pie, and so much more!

Thank you for participating.

You're all gorgeous.

Ugh

Sometimes I wonder. On a rainy day I'll sit by a window, basking in the subtly filtered dingy horrible rainy light, and I'll wonder. I wonder about a lot of things. Sometimes I wonder how the grass grows. Sometimes I wonder why paint dries. Sometimes I wonder why my dog humps little children. Sometimes I find myself wonder about why there is a picture of an angry looking black woman is staring at me from professor X's powerpoint.

Right at this moment I'm wondering why Austin is always looking at Taylor Swift's Facebook page. Its really freaking me out.

Frankly I haven't felt remotely funny in the past few weeks. But thats probably just my personality, not my ability. I've been working at Starbucks all week and the angry customers have sapped my humor. Lets face it, I've been suckled dry.

Up front Prof. X is lecturing about Nazi's and cigarrettes (their both evil). I wonder if this class might make more sense should I pay full attention the whole time.

Before I get all enthralled with the lesson, I should point out the gal two rows up is knitting. This is impressive, she's got a pretty damn nice scarf goin' on. I cant help but admire her focus and... the communists have retreated?! Suck it Russia!

Now we're talking about McCarthy? Wow, this class keeps a fast pace.

I'm bored though.

Why Check the Facts?

Frat douche likes to tap people really hard on the shoulder. You know, God forbid people give their attention to something else for a few minutes. No, he wants their eyes on him, at ALL TIMES. Otherwise he probably shrinks and eventually melts then vaporizes into the air. (Yes, I did just use the phase transition term for liquid to gas).

Today's Journalism lecture topic: Television Part II

Unfortunately I missed Part I, but I heard television is just another medium which is starting to decline. Very slowly, but declining nonetheless. Basically the internet will be the only thing we have in 20 years. I don't think it would be that bad though, we all watch TV, read newspapers, read books, view movies, listen to music, and listen to radio on the internet anyway. We just need someone to create a computer which can transform into smaller and larger computers, then we'd all be fine. I have two more points on this topic: 1) we will never have the transforming computer because Steve Jobs died and 2) we really do not need it considering the world ends in 14 months.

I need to start watching The Daily Show.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I raised my hand and asked riveting but irrelevant questions in class. Like, if I raised my hand right now and asked Prof. X about how many journalists associate themselves with the Democratic Party and how many are elephants, I'm sure most of the brain-and-spine-free people in my class would suddenly have strong interest in the question and they would wish to know his answer, but ultimately he would be like "what the f---?"

Let's talk about my future for a second.

So, I'm undeclared when it comes to my major but I've been telling people I'm thinking about Journalism. Well, in less than 2 weeks we can begin registering for next semester's classes and I could potentially declare a major. I am fearful of declaring. Making a declaration is a serious event in a person's life, and I am not sure if I am invested enough to throw my life in the Journalism fish tank and how I don't sink. Then again, I have 10 tabs open right now and 9 of them are very related to the entertainment journalism world. I can see myself listening to the soon-to-be-released Kelly Clarkson record and giving it a C+ on the first page of Entertainment Weekly's Music review section. I can vividly picture myself taking extensive notes and judging every sharp cheddar cheese-line spouted from the 9 protagonists of the Avengers movie due out in May of 2012. I can imagine taking pictures and submitting them to magazines around the world until finally landing a full-time job taking pictures for a newspaper's online corporation. What I'm getting at is, while I'm not 100% sure of what I want to do, everything I keep as an option seems to fall under Journalism. Maybe I will declare. Maybe I will take that step. Or maybe I'll cower into the fetal position and wait until fall 2012 to declare, both options are very plausible.

Now, before I leave you I must ask you to do me the mightiest of favors: If you read this blog, at all, ever, even if it is just this one time or if you have read them all, please please PLEASE please give us some freaking feedback. Just say SOMETHING. Or, better yet, say what you like, don't like, want to hear about, want to know. Tell me what you want and I'll probably give it to you. Unless it's of a sexual manner. You don't ask for that over the internet, you send that in the mail or in a text ;)

ZING.

Okay, so what have we learned today?

"Leave some feedback and go forth with our lives."

Yes, very good class. See you Thursday.

Rain is a bitch. No, its not condensed water falling from clouds. Its a bitch. Yesterday was a nice day. It started full of the joys of a hot shower after waking up. Warming my aching cold body. Dad still hasn't turned the heat on and its pretty cold in the basement. After a bright refreshing shower (I ran out of hot water half way through) I happily bounded up the stairs into the bright sunlight. Oh wait, never mind. It wasn't bright and sunny after all, it was overcast and rainy. I kindly asked my parents for a ride to campus, and was denied. So I biked. Three miles in the pouring rain. Guess what, I sure did have a waterproof jacket, and blue jeans, and water up the sleeve of my waterproof jacket. Then some jackass hid a massive railroad tie in the high grasses of the roadside, right next to the lake which was originally the road. I of course- swerved to avoid the lake, not seeing the tribal snare residing in the lakeside grasses.

I got soaked. I was flung bodily off my bike seat and into the lake. My day couldn't have gotten any worse. Honestly.

Of Shaman and propagating cape buffalo

Without reason or rhyme class makes a half assed start. Slowly like an air ride siren, increasing in volume professor X begins to talk. Silence falls, as usual. Silence tinged with slight vestiges of fear. The only person who seems unaffected is the frat boy sitting one row back seven seats over. This guy is an imbecile. All he does is sit there pontificating about all the cool shit he and his fraternity do. Its people like him whom even Ghandi couldn't stand. You sit around him and its like *inner peace*... *inner peace* "yeah then we totally were the coolest thing on planet Earth because we hiked mount Sentinel in the dark! *inner... what the fuck I think propagating cape buffalo would be cooler than that!*

Ever day I seem to have this habit of zoning out and happily writing. Then (like today) I look up and professor X is talking about old films. Apparently Edison created a Kinetoscope. Its some sort of cabinet where you look down into it and can watch the movie. I feel as if that'd make my back hurt.

Sorry, I can't let myself get distracted like that... where was I? Oh yeah! So I haven't written anything for two class period (my bad). But hell- its not like any of you actually read this blog, so why should it matter? Anyhow, I was gone for two days. Hence the no writing. Not only was I gone though, I had a reason. The night before class, as I was quite contentedly reading my assigned journalism chapter, drinking hot cocoa whilst listening to something mentally stimulating; Mozart in fact. But alas, as I sat snuggling with my journalism book, the doorbell  rang. I heard my dad open the door, he then called my name. Abandoning my hopes of completing the homework (I'm sorry professor X) I quickly left my basement bedroom, ascending the staircase into society. In the entryway my dad stood deep in conversation with a Tibetan shaman. He quickly explained the plight, they needed somebody more awesome than the propagating cape buffalo, they needed... me. The ancient Shaman explained it was my destiny. If destiny was calling, who was I to resist? So I left with him. Through the course of the next few days, I found my greatest weaknesses. Within 48 hours I defeated them, coming out the other side of the adventure stronger, more confident, and more wildly dashing than even the mighty cape buffalo.  What exactly did the Shaman require of me?

Ooh, apparently the movie which launched the film industry was incredibly racist. Nothing like the KKK to create a best seller.

Looking out the window I see a depressingly drab sky. Its been raining all night, both metaphorically and literally. The ground is soaking from rain, making biking to and from campus a muddy affair to say the least. Possibly more muddy than a pair of propagating cape buffalo. These old movies are almost as funny as the depressing rainy weather outside. The window is only letting in a small amount of light. The pine tree outside looks depressed and gloomy in the weather. Professor X relentlessly presses on with his suppressive powerpoint. Next to me Austin is looking at Rihanna's Facebook page. I need to have a talk with that kid.

"Film with sound will be about as successful as color photography" boy the guy who said THAT was stupid. Not only did film with sound triumph, so did color photography. Poor bastard.

Thankfully this class is almost over. When I get home I'm gonna spend some time with my propagating cape buffalo.

First In-Class Essay

You'll never believe this. The douche bag/lady's man who seats himself and his harem near my seat, yeah, he's a frat douche. I know, I know, you're probably thinking "WHAT!?!?! NO WAY!?!?!" I'm just upset with the fact I didn't guess this right off the bat. He's EVERYTHING a frat needs!

No more of that.

It seems like it has been an eternity since the last blog post, and, if you're a true Journalism Window fanatic (there's no such person), you'd know this is due to the fact Micah and I had our first Media History midterm on Thursday. It went...sort of well. But do you even care? No. Okay, more stream of consciousness...

I do not feel very well today. In case you're wondering, that is my excuse for writing a shit post today.

Today's topic is: FILM.

It is not as interesting as it should be. But, one thing I did find encouraging, one of the first examples of motion pictures was a four second clip of a man sneezing.

Today's real life tidbit: It's my brother's birthday. He's 9.

For some reason, Frat Douche and his clan full of bros and hos are not talking. They're actually paying attention. I hate it when there are really f*cky people who act like asses but they're uberpopular and get good grades. It goes against nature.

Feeling enlightened? I hoped so.

My favorite thing about all of the outdated clips from interviews and television specials Prof. X shows us is how all of the stodgy, pompous old men have really really awesome glasses. I want every pair.

WHOA. Prof. X just used the phrase "it's like a bad episode of Glee...or a good episode." I've always ragged on his humor, but I'll give him props for that one. (Wtf are props in this context? Like real props? "Here, here are your random stage items for doing something I deem cool." Really, props?)

*QUICK RANT ALERT*

Obviously I'm in class right now, so naturally I'm trying to watch some of last Saturday's SNL with Melissa McCarthy but guess the hell what...DAMN SPONSORED ADS TAKE LIKE 2 MINUTES NOW! It sounds like an awful personal problem, like I'm the most impatient person on this earth, but seriously. SERIOUSLY?! It used to be like, everything had one 15 second advertisements online. Now, watching television online is pretty much just like watching it on the television! You turn it on and it has to buffer then as soon as it's done it's a freakin' ad which finally leads to the episode buffering and finally the real episode, which is interrupted about 6 (I refuse to say 9, although that's ACTUALLY how many there are in an episode of SNL) times for 1 minute advertisements. IF I WANTED TO SIT THERE AND WAIT FOR THE ADS TO END THEN I WOULD WATCH IT WHEN IT'S ON THE TELEVISION. I WATCH SH*T ONLINE TO AVOID THIS BUUUUULL.

Okay, all done. With everything.

BYYEE.